Clarity

Simple Definition of clarity

  • : the quality of being easily understood

  • : the quality of being expressed, remembered, understood, etc., in a very exact way

  • : the quality of being easily seen or heard

Source: Merriam-Webster’s Learner’s Dictionary
Seems clear, right?
But what if the “subject” needing to be easily understood is little ole me.
Not so clear.  Game over.
It seems the older I get, the more time I spend in a confused state, never sure what I want or need, let alone what’s for dinner on any given night.  It’s true, I’ve spent a huge part of the year fighting, resisting, and procrastinating what I know to be true.
I am a writer.
I’m not exactly fighting that fact, but it’s more of a priority thing.  A focus thing.  And a habit (or lack of) thing.
I’ve done everything possible to try and make myself write, forcing it upon myself till the words are literally hiding out in an unknown part of my brain.  It’s crazy, and the only way I was able to sit down and get some words out tonight is to finally stop the internal battle, and cut myself some slack.  I literally gave myself permission to stop writing earlier this week, and only then did I let my thoughts float up to the surface.
It still feels a bit stiff, and I’ve deleted more than I’ve written, but here are words, formed into sentences, on a specific subject.
Clarity.  Or something close to it.
I can’t promise anything consistent, only that I will continue on this path that is way less traveled for me.  I am learning to treat myself better, kinder, like a friend I haven’t seen in a long time.  Someone I really like to be with.  I am learning that managing two families is a really good reason to be too exhausted to write, and that this feeling won’t last forever.  I am also learning to manage myself better, opting out of the wine every night philosophy that makes me feel worse than when I started.  Cutting out on sugar… always a work in progress, and eating more real food, less junk.
None of that is easy, but I believe it’s more important than worrying about a writing habit that is adding to my pressure.
So, for now, I am taking a writing break 🙂  The irony isn’t lost on me.
If you’re still reading… thank you.  If not, I probably wouldn’t have either.  I’m only hoping that someday all of this will finally make sense to me.  And that each word I put out there is leading me closer to where I’m supposed to be.
Now that would be really cool….
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